Young people who commit crimes should be treated the same way as adults. To what extent do agree or disagree?
The crime has been a controversial proposal over the last decade around young generation, with some suggesting to treat them for their crime actions in the same practice as adults. Even though sentencing children into prison is proper way of discouraging them to take part in criminal activities, this approach often is ineffective for two main reasons.
The first reason why putting young people into a cage may not be always a unique way is due to the changing behavioral attitudes. It is their parents who are responsible for the development of children at a very young age. In fact, parents mostly spend less time with their kids in family, they do not share their personal interests in order to change the worldview of each other and more importantly, they neglect to discuss about what is right and wrong to do because of work and less amount of time. This might eventually make children feel sick and insecure, leading to use drugs and smoking due to lack of parental support which is the consequence of being a public criminal at the end.
Furthermore, a prison can be educational place for the betterment of young adults because it is uncomfortable and makes them struggle for the action which they did not know about. A person who has done many crime activities like robbing, murdering and even gambling for the most part of their lives is adult at all and could not be responsible for their action, meaning that arresting is not a perfect approach. Instead of being punished, they need to be educated for not doing any dangerous activities in a society, they also must be working at a company for committing their family as hard as they would and what is more, they should be a great example of how people must be without doing any criminal proposals for an upcoming generation as a whole.
In conclusion, prisons cannot be solution for the depletion of crime rates these days because they are not educational facilities and their purpose is only punishing them but not educating. Therefore, young people should treated as normal member of society and they must be in the accountability of their parents for the future lives.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and reiterating the stance.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to link all the ideas in a paragraph to the main point of the paragraph.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the topic, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that could be revised for clarity and accuracy. Additionally, the use of more varied and precise language could help to convey the arguments more effectively.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are only minor errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence construction that could be revised for clarity and accuracy. Additionally, the use of more varied sentence structures could help to convey the arguments more effectively.
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by presenting a clear position that young people should not be treated the same as adults for their criminal actions. The arguments are well-developed and supported with relevant examples. However, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and reiterating the stance.
Suggestions
- Make sure the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reiterates the stance.