Behruz
The layouts demonstrates how a school site was in 2004 and how it is planned to change by 2024.
Overall, the school will be expanded with new facilities, like third building and second car park.The sports field will be relocated, and trees will be cut down.
It is interesting to note that the positions of the main school buildings will remain unchanged. School building first and School building second , will stay in their locations as in the past. However, a new third building will be erected in the east side of the layout.
Another striking is the introduction of the new car park, located on the right side of the school. The old car park will stay in its place. On the other hand , a road will be extended to connect to the second car park.
A notable change is the sports field will be relocated slightly to south.Moreover, many trees in the south part of the site will be cut down.
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview of the changes. However, the use of cohesive devices could be improved for better flow and coherence.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of information.
- Consider using more complex sentence structures to further improve coherence and cohesion.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are few grammatical errors. However, there are some errors in article and preposition usage.
The essay addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear overview of the information. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific details and by avoiding unnecessary repetition.
Suggestions
- Provide more specific details about the changes planned for 2024.
- Avoid unnecessary repetition of words and phrases.