In some countries young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard in their studies. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest
Students in some countries have to work hard during their education period, and that leaves no time for them to enjoy their youth. The main reason for that can be financial issues, and that would be solved by some changes in economical policies.
In some regions, the student should spend twice time as a normal worker, they should study their lessons, attend their classes, do their research and homework, in addition they should work for their cost of life and university, at the end they are workers while they are students and finally they have no free time for themselves to refresh their body and soul.
This problem is caused by a wrong economic sight and incorrect ideology about education, while they look at it as a private development, some other countries believe that spending budget for scientific advancement is a long-term investment for all society and the present and future generation, so every graduated student from the academic community would benefit the country much more than every cost they have caused to the public financial sources.
Regarding the statement above, the solution is that, at first change the look at the education, and see more forward and far horizon, and noticing that every penny the government spend on that will bring lots of benefits for the society thousand times more than it costs. In conclusion we can see studying as a lucrative work for all the country not solely as a personal growth, so every financial support for academic community will be a vital and necessary concern for the government.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and reiterating the proposed solutions.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to fully develop your ideas in each paragraph.
The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical resource. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity and precision.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some errors in grammar and punctuation. The essay demonstrates a good control of a range of grammatical structures, with some errors in grammar and punctuation. However, these errors do not significantly impact the overall clarity or readability of the essay and could be easily corrected.
The essay addresses the task effectively, providing a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the causes of the lack of leisure time among young people in some countries and proposing solutions. However, the argument could be more fully developed, and the essay could benefit from more specific examples to support the points made.
Suggestions
- Ensure that each paragraph fully develops a single point or idea.
- Include more specific examples to support your arguments.