Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this? Do you think this is positive or a negative development?
Nowadays, number of young generation spend much their time scrolling through social media and online games on gatjets. Athough there are some benifits of this trend, I totally believe there are many drowbacks both physical and mental for following reasons
On the one hand, there are some reasons why many pupils spend hours on their phones and computers. One of the reasons is that increasing of criminals in the street . That is to say, meriads of parents consider that if children play in the garden and play areas without supervision from adults lead to criminal.Therefore, parents forced them to stay at home rather than playing garden and they are giving range of gatjets for playing and saving from bad effects such as kidnapping. Another significant argument is that children able to learn some information and improve their education skills by smartphones.For example,last years some social medias more common because there have range of information and it could be increase of learn efficiency.
On the other hand, despite some positives mentioned above of this trend i completely argue that negatives more harmful to some reasons. Firstly, killing time in front of gatjets can lead to serious illnesses such as poor posture and aye strain. This would be bod for kids for a long time and we can little effect in the future. Secondly, much their time in front of gatjets couse to be isolated. They might feel cannot socialize and they do not know how to build comunication with friends and others.this situation lead to under stress and even would be evil. This might happen because they know how to use range of gatjets however, do not know how comunicate and play with others. This might huge impact to their lives in the future.
In conclusion, numerous people believe that children might save at home prepared playing gardan with friends since criminal happen , however i favour of the drowbacks can dengerous effect their lives such as aye strain or bad posture.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a standard structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the use of cohesive devices is sometimes awkward or incorrect, affecting the overall coherence. Additionally, the connection between some ideas is not clear, which can be confusing for the reader.
Suggestions
- Try to use a variety of cohesive devices appropriately to ensure smooth transitions between ideas.
- Make sure that the connection between ideas is clear and that the progression of ideas is logical.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with some attempts to use less common and idiomatic language. However, there are several instances of awkward or incorrect word choices, which can detract from the overall clarity and effectiveness of the essay.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some errors in grammar and punctuation. However, these do not impede communication. The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence structures and there are some grammatical errors and punctuation issues. These do not always impede communication, but they can sometimes make the essay difficult to understand.
The essay addresses the task and provides a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported. The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the benefits and drawbacks of children spending time on smartphones and gadgets. However, the argument is not fully developed, and the essay would benefit from more specific examples and a clearer structure in the body paragraphs.
Suggestions
- Provide more specific examples to support your arguments.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear focus and is well-developed.