Abdulaziz
Punishment is thought to be beneficial for children as means to understand the contrast between right and wrong. I partly agree with that notion. My further arguments will be discussed with the following paragraphs.
On the one hand, many families, where the amount of budget is not a problem, can easily spend money not taking into account the price of the item that they have bought. On average parents give to their children a lot of money without explaining them for what to spend it. For example, youngsters, who want to have fun, use money for bad stuff such as drugs and become addicted to them, so parents can no longer control their children. That is why to be in control children should be punished.
On the other side, a large number of children became quite, after being punished by parents and some of them got an illness. For instance, father of a family shout at his child and even hit them hard, which reflects in the future. Children gain it as a lesson to be always quite and give up to be interested in something, their only might become to do family orders. Therefore, punishment may cause a psychological issue for children.
Not only that, but also these days more and more teachers argue with young students and there are cases where teachers got out of control and started fighting with students. From a legal point of view teachers are not allowed to do so, but I assume that teachers as well as parents are all permitted to put child in a corner.
In conclusion, while a large amount of yong generations change for the bad side due to not being in control of their parents, although, I think punishment is not always the demanded staff since many children lose the meaning of life.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and reiterating the writer’s stance.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to fully develop your conclusion to effectively summarize the main points and clearly state your position.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choices, which can detract from the overall clarity and effectiveness of the writing. Additionally, the conclusion could use more formal language to better fit the academic context.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and there are some errors in grammar and punctuation. However, these do not generally impede communication. The essay uses a variety of complex and simple sentence structures, and the majority of sentences are free of grammatical errors. However, there are a few instances of incorrect verb forms and sentence structures, which can detract from the overall clarity and effectiveness of the writing. Additionally, the conclusion could be rephrased to improve grammar and clarity.
The essay addresses the task and provides a well-developed response with relevant, extended and supported ideas. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument regarding the use of punishment to discipline children. The writer provides a clear opinion that punishment is not always the best approach and that it can have negative effects on children. However, the essay could benefit from a more balanced discussion of both perspectives, with more specific examples to support each point. Additionally, the conclusion could be strengthened by summarizing the main points and clearly restating the writer’s position.
Suggestions
- Ensure that each paragraph fully develops a single idea and is well supported with specific examples.
- Consider providing a more balanced discussion of both perspectives by including more specific examples of how punishment has been both beneficial and harmful for children.