In recent years , fewer people are devoting time for hobbies. What's the reasons ? How do we solve this problem?
It is true that number of people that spent time on hobbies is in decrease. Although there are a few causes why it is the case , several measures will be introduced to tackle this issue.
On the one hand, stress and tiring is major factor that is trigger not to devote time for hobbies . Moreover , they come from hard work so as to make a profit. If the employees feel like this kind of pressure , they will tent not to unadeuately fulfill while losing their interests. Additionally, by managing timetable unwisely , we can get in difficulties to obtain hobbies in order not to pay attention them. For instance, when lots of people in my country, promise themselves to do something regularly in several ways, some kinds of modern technologies such as cellphones, destrub our point while addicting to them.
Nevertheless, some actions are avaible to alliviate this challenge. The main measure that can eliminate problems is to reduce work hours. This is because majority of people have been suffering from not spending time with relations due to long-term work for about recent 20 years.Having utilised this solution, we can keep lots of devoces that come from lack of attentions. Another option is that ein useful activities should be disappeared by each individuals routine. Major useless one is devoting more time to play video games , especially among the teenagers, consequently , young people’s efforts lead to both develop that country and attending in favourite hobbies.
In conclusion, while being stress or tired and lack of time to create truely dedline cause to eliminated interest for hobbies, by diminishing work hours and giving up unnecessary items , it is possible to reduce i
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a standard structure, but the introduction could be more effectively linked to the body paragraphs. The use of transitional phrases helps to connect ideas, but there is a lack of clear progression from one idea to the next. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive. Overall, the essay demonstrates basic cohesion and clarity, but there is room for improvement in the use of cohesive devices and the overall flow of the essay.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of the essay and make the relationships between ideas more explicit.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences in the paragraph support this idea.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with some attempts to use less common and idiomatic language. However, there are several instances of awkward or incorrect word choices, which can detract from the overall clarity and effectiveness of the essay. Additionally, the use of synonyms is sometimes repetitive, which can also affect the overall quality of the writing. Overall, the essay shows an adequate command of vocabulary, but there is room for improvement in the accuracy and variety of language used.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some errors in grammar, punctuation and spelling. However, these errors do not generally impede communication. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, which adds some variety and interest to the writing. However, there are several grammatical errors, which can detract from the overall clarity and effectiveness of the essay. In some cases, the errors are minor and do not significantly impact the readability of the essay, but in other cases, they are more substantial and can be quite distracting. Overall, the essay shows a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there is room for improvement in terms of accuracy.
The essay addresses the task and provides a relevant response. However, the response could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay addresses the topic by discussing the reasons why fewer people are devoting time to hobbies and suggesting potential solutions to this issue. The writer presents a clear explanation of the factors contributing to this trend, such as stress and fatigue, and suggests practical measures to address the issue, such as reducing work hours or incorporating hobbies into daily routines. However, the response could be more fully developed with additional specific examples or evidence to support the points made. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Include more specific examples to support your arguments and make your writing more persuasive.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences in the paragraph support this idea.