Number of people employed in five types of work
The bar chart provides information with how many people employed in five types of work – sales, accounting, computing, nursing and farming – between 2001 and 2008 in Australia.
Overall, while the figure for sales dominated the highest numbers of workers over the period shown in both two years. However, the reverse was true for farming had the lowest figures of manpower each period.
Focusing on increases first, it can be noticeable that sales, computing and nursing experienced a significant increase in 2001 and 2008 years. The number of people who employed in sales increased over 10,000 in 2008 compared to 2001. Also, number of workers who employed computing and nursing showed a significant growth in 2008.
However, the figures for those who employed in other types of work such as accounting and farming experienced a noticeable decline in both 2001 and 2008 years. It is clear that the number of employees decreased almost 10,000 in 2008 rather than 2001.
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview of the main trends. However, there are some areas where the flow of information could be improved.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of information.
- Consider using more complex sentence structures to provide a more detailed analysis of the data.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are only minor errors. However, there is room for improvement in terms of sentence variety and complexity.
The essay provides an adequate response to the task. The key features are identified and described, but there is room for more detailed analysis and comparison.
Suggestions
- Include more detailed analysis and comparison of the data.
- Provide more specific examples to support your main points.