Online sales for retail sectors in New Zealand
The pie charts compare yhe different percentage of goods which was sold online in New Zealand from 2003 to 2013.
Overall,while rates for Travel and Clothes decreased, opposite was true for those of film and books sale.
Looking ate the decreasing rates at the beginning of the time span, there was 12% gap between the rates of travel and clothes(36% and 24%).After decade their rates decreased by around 7-8% to show 29% and 16%,respectively.
Looking at the increasing categories,by contrast, figures if books and film ssles had a little difference(19% and 21%)im 2003.After 10 years both of them faced increase and former got 22%, while later showed 33% and became major.
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview. However, there are some issues with the flow of information and the use of cohesive devices.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of information.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.
The essay uses a range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of an attempt to use less common and/or more complex vocabulary. However, there are a few awkward or incorrect word choices.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and the majority of sentences are free from grammatical errors. However, there are a few grammatical errors and some sentences could be structured more effectively.
The essay addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear overview of the main trends, differences or stages. However, the essay could be more specific and provide more detailed information.
Suggestions
- Include specific data and examples to support your main points.
- Consider using a wider range of structures to discuss the data in more detail.