Social media
Some people argue that the increasing prevalence of social media has had an unwholsome impact on interpersonal relations, fostering superficial connection and diminishing genuine that social media can be a powerful tool for building and maintaining relationships on the social media.
On the other hand, our modern social media is absolutely important, and everyone wants to use social media. For example, I always use social media for my education, and I will send many tasks for checking my teacher by social media. In fact, social media is dramatically increasing day by day. In addition, social media is absolutely great when you used right ways. If you do not use the wrong ways from social media, then there are several detrimental effects on interpersonal relationships and fostering superficial connection on the internet. Nowadays, some scientists want to reduce genuine human interactions, and they are starting suddenly to reduce detrimental impacts from social media.
However, the second view is also true, and I agree with this idea. In response to some people believe, social media can be a forceful tool for building and maintaining relationships. In addition, you can talk about all things by social media, and it can improve great relations with other people. So, that’s why social media can improve geographical distance. In contrast, social media is more beneficial than detrimental impacts. I might add that nowadays, social media can help for enhence relationships between our relatives.
If people stop using social media, then suddenly reduce the relations with relatives and other countries people. However. I hope these things will not occur.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay is structured with an introduction, body paragraphs for each viewpoint, and a conclusion. However, the use of cohesive devices is sometimes awkward, affecting readability. Additionally, the transition between the first and second paragraphs could be smoother to better guide the reader through the contrasting views.
Suggestions
- Try to use a variety of cohesive devices appropriately to ensure smooth transitions between ideas.
- Make sure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary with some attempts at less common language. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and incorrect word choices that detract from the overall clarity and effectiveness of the essay. Additionally, the use of more precise and varied vocabulary could help to strengthen the arguments presented.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are only minor errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence construction. The essay attempts to use a variety of sentence structures, but there are some grammatical errors that can hinder understanding. For example, “If you do not use the wrong ways from social media, then there are several detrimental effects on interpersonal relationships and fostering superficial connection on the internet” is confusing and could be rephrased for clarity. Paying closer attention to grammatical accuracy, including subject-verb agreement and the correct use of prepositions, will help to improve the overall quality of the writing.
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported. The essay presents a clear introduction of the two contrasting views on the impact of social media on interpersonal relations. However, the development of the ideas within the body paragraphs could be more balanced, with the discussion of the positive aspects of social media being more detailed than the negative aspects. Additionally, the conclusion could be strengthened by summarizing the main points and clearly restating the position of the essay.
Suggestions
- Ensure that each paragraph provides a clear and distinct point and is well supported by examples or explanations.
- Consider providing a more detailed conclusion that summarizes the main points and restates the position of the essay.