Task 1
The line graph compares how many people participated in five diffrent activities at one social center in Australia between 2000 and 2020.
Overall,the number of participants in film club and martial arts remained stable, with the former being the most popular activity among others throghout the given period. There was an upward trend in the number of participants of table tennis and musical performances while the reverse was true for the amateur dramatics.
Figure for people participated in film club In 2000 accounted for 65 which was noticeably higher compared to other figures. After a slight fall in 2010 to 60 participants in film club, there was a recovery to 65 people at the end of the given period. The similar pattern was seen in the figure for martial arts which had almost half as many participants as the film club (35) in 2000. During 2015, the number of martial art participants experienced a mild fluctuation bur eventually it made up 35 people .
In 2000 only 25 people were amateur dramatics, the figure which in 2005 decreased gradually making up only 5 participants in 2020. In regards of the number of people who played table tennis was only 15 which rose dramatically reaching peak of roughly 55 people and becoming second popular activity. Finally, figure for musicians was at zero , and only in 2005 witnessed a gradual increase reaching to 20 participants in the final year.
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview of the data. However, there are some issues with the flow of information and the use of cohesive devices.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of information.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.
The essay uses a range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are only minor errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence structure.
The essay addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear overview of the main trends, differences or stages. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific details and by making more precise comparisons.
Suggestions
- Include specific data from the graph to support your main points.
- Make sure to cover all parts of the task and provide a detailed response.