Task 1
The line graph displays the statistics about the number of people that took part in by activity from 2000 to 2020.
Overall,there was an obvious aspect with the number of participants , despite the film club and other four trends being changed by every half of the decade.
Initially the film club was the highest visited figure with over 60 people and in the next 10 years but with fluctuation , however martial arts began from much less compared to the previous one with less than 40 but till 2015 it was fluctuated . Amateur dramatics from 2005 till the end went down .
Meanwhile according to the numbers table tennis was the second lowest figure but skyrocketed from approximately 15 to 50 participants for the next 15 years and stayed as the second highest visited figure.
Additionally musical performance was a figure that began from 2005 and did not have any participants but regarding the start of it ,this figure well increased from 0 to 20 visitors by the given period of time.
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview of the trends. However, there are some issues with the flow of information and the use of cohesive devices.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of information.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to that topic.
The essay uses a range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of an attempt to use less common, more formal language. However, there are some inaccuracies and the language could be more varied and sophisticated.
The essay makes use of a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and there are some errors in grammar and punctuation. However, the errors do not generally impede communication.
The essay provides a clear overview of the trends and makes some specific observations. However, the essay could be improved by providing more detailed and precise information, and by making better use of the data to support the observations.
Suggestions
- Provide more detailed and precise information about the trends.
- Make better use of the data to support the observations.