task 1
The bar chart shows the number of who employed in Australia in five different jobs (Sales, Accounting, Computing, Nursing and Farming) between 2001 and 2008.
Overall, the total of individuals who employed in Sales job hold the highest figures in both years. However, people who worked as a Farmer was fewer over a 7-year period.
Focusing on increases first, the amount of people who worked in the job of Sales was under 155.000 in 2001 year. Turning to 2008 the figure for workers slightly rose to approximately 165.000. By contrast, the amount of people worked in the job of Computing was around 60.000 in 2001. However, this trend increased to over 80.000 in 2008.
Turning to the jobs of Accounting, Nursing and Farming was higher in the previous year. However these figures decreased slightly in 2008
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview. However, there are some issues with the flow of information and the use of cohesive devices.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of information.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies and the vocabulary could be more varied.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some errors in grammar and punctuation. However, these errors do not generally impede communication.
The essay provides an overview of the information presented in the bar chart and makes some comparisons. However, the task could be more fully addressed and the comparisons could be more detailed.
Suggestions
- Make sure to fully address all parts of the task. The task asks for an overview of the information and the key features, so make sure to include this information in your report.
- Include more detailed comparisons and analysis of the data. This will help to provide a more comprehensive and insightful report.