The chart below shows the number of people employed in five types of work in one region of Australia in 2001 and 2008.
The bar graph provides information about amount people worked in five different types of work in Australia from 2001 to 2008
Overall while the figures for a type of work such as sales , computing, and nursing experienced an upward trend the reverse was true true for accounting and farming . Noteworthly farming showed the lowest figure in each year and Sales highest.
Focusing on increases firs , despite showing the decreases. The figures for number of people worked as a seller in Australia showed the increase about 4000 people in 2001 and reached to 162000 people in 2008 . Also the charts for the amount of workers as a computing experienced a upward about 7000 people in 2001 and stood at 79000 in 2008 and also nursing experienced increase about 1000 people in 2008 if we compare with 2001
If we focus on decreases for employers worked in Australia accaunting experienced decline about 4000 people and farming also showed decline about 6000 people in 2008 compared with 2001
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview. However, there are some issues with the flow of information and the use of cohesive devices.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of information.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.
The essay uses a range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of an attempt to use less common and/or more complex vocabulary. However, there are some inaccuracies and the word choice could be improved in some places.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and the majority of sentences are free of grammatical errors. However, there are some grammatical errors and the word order could be improved in some places.
The essay addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear overview of the main trends, differences or stages. However, the essay could be more specific and provide more detailed information and examples.
Suggestions
- Try to be more specific and provide more detailed information and examples.
- Make sure to fully explain all parts of the task and address all aspects of the prompt.