The chart below shows the number of people employed in five types of work in one region of Australia in 2001 and 2008.
The bar graph provides information about the number of people employed in five types of work — sales, accounting, computing, nursing and farming — between 2001 and 2008 in Australia.
Overall, while the figures for computing, nursing and especially sales registered an upward trend, the reverse was true for accounting and farming. Noteworthy is the fact that sales showed the highest figures in each year while farming showed the lowest.
Focusing on increases first, despite showing the highest figures in both years, the number of computing exhibited a dramatic increase of about 20 thousand and reached just under 80 thousand in 2008. The figure for nursing saw a slight increase of about 5 thousand in 2008 to about 20 thousand in 2008.
However, accounting and farming bucked the trend: showing the highest decrease, the figures for farming went from about 30 thousand in 2001accounting, on the other hand, had a decrease of about 5 thousand to hit 63 thousand in 2008.
The essay provides a general overview and some details, but lacks clarity in structure and logical progression.
Suggestions
- Organize the information more clearly by separating trends for each job type.
- Ensure logical flow between sentences and paragraphs.
- Use linking words to improve coherence.
The essay uses a range of vocabulary, but there are instances of repetition and awkward phrasing.
There are grammatical errors and awkward sentence structures that affect clarity.
The essay addresses the task but lacks detailed analysis and some inaccuracies in data representation.
Suggestions
- Provide accurate data for each job type.
- Include more detailed comparisons between 2001 and 2008.
- Ensure all information is relevant and accurate.