The chart below shows the number of people employed in five types of work in one region of Australia in 2001 and 2008.
The bar chart illustrates the number of people employed in five types of professions: Sales, Accounting, Computing, Nursing, Farming in Australia in the years between 2001 and 2008.
Overall, Sales was the most popular in both years, while farming with the lowest profession over the seven years. Computing and Nursing experienced upward trends, whereas accounting stands stable in the years given.
At 2001, sales had more worker, at about 160,000 people, but this decreased little to 150,000 in 2008. Farming have less people, dropping from around 40,000 at 2001 to near 20,000 in 2008.
Computing and nursing both gone up in this period. Computing growed from 80,000 worker in 2001 to 100,000 in 2008, while nursing go higher from 70,000 to 90,000. Accounting was not much changed and stayed at about 60,000 workers.
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview. However, there are some issues with the flow of information and the use of cohesive devices.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of information.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.
The essay uses a range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are only minor errors. However, there are a few instances of incorrect verb tense or subject-verb agreement.
The essay addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear overview of the main trends, differences or stages. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific details and by avoiding some of the more general statements.
Suggestions
- Provide more specific details to support your main points.
- Avoid using overly general language. Try to be more precise in your descriptions.