The chart below shows the number of people employed in five types of work in one region of Australia in 2001 and 2008.
The bar chart provides information with how many people employed in five types of work – sales, accounting, computing, nursing and farming – between 2001 and 2008 in Australia.
Overall, while the figure for sales dominated the highest numbers of workers over the period shown in both two years. However, the reverse was true for farming had the lowest figures of manpower each period.
Focusing on increases first, it can be noticeable that sales, computing and nursing experienced a significant increase in 2001 and 2008 years. The number of people who employed in sales increased over 10,000 in 2008 compared to 2001. Also, number of workers who employed computing and nursing showed a significant growth in 2008.
However, the figures for those who employed in other types of work such as accounting and farming experienced a noticeable decline in both 2001 and 2008 years. It is clear that the number of employees decreased almost 10,000 in 2008 rather than 2001.
The essay generally follows a logical structure but lacks clear linking phrases and transitions between ideas.
Suggestions
- Use more linking words to connect ideas.
- Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea.
- Avoid abrupt transitions.
The vocabulary is adequate but lacks variety and precision.
There are frequent grammatical errors that affect clarity.
The essay addresses the task but lacks detailed analysis and specific data.
Suggestions
- Include specific data from the chart to support statements.
- Provide a more detailed analysis of trends and comparisons.