The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane.
The given diagram illustrates the producing process for sugar from sugar cane. Overall, this process is comprised of seven stages, including growing, harvesting, crushing, purifying juice, evaporating, centrifuging and the last one drying and cooling the manufactured sugar.
To begin with, the process of sugar cane growing takes about a year and few months after which it ready to harvest. However, there are two ways to collect crops: hand picking and mechanical which is significantly faster, but more damaging than the first one. Once harvesting is done, sugar canes enter several washes and crush into small pieces to extract as much juice as possible. Large cylinders compress the cane fiber to produce the juice. When this stage is complete, cane juice is filtered in limestone filter to make it clean. This sugar cane essence is boiled in large tanks until juice becomes syrup. As the water from syrup evaporates it is regularly checked to see how the sugar is crystallised. Next, it all boils in cenrtifugal machine forming sugar crustals from crystallised sugar paste. The process ends when, sugar is carried out from the cenrtifuge and transmitted to a wide dryer device in order to lower humidity level of the sugar. Finally, sugar is ready to use.
The essay follows a logical sequence, but some transitions between stages are unclear.
Suggestions
- Use clear linking words to improve flow.
- Ensure each step is distinct and well-explained.
- Avoid repetition of similar ideas.
The essay uses a range of vocabulary, but some word choices are awkward or repetitive.
There are several grammatical errors and awkward sentence structures that affect clarity.
The essay addresses the task and describes the process, but lacks detailed explanation in some areas.
Suggestions
- Provide more detail on each stage of the process.
- Ensure all steps are clearly described.