The graph below shows the percentage of unemployed people aged between 15 and 24 in five European countries in 2005, compared with the overall percentage of unemployment in those countries.
Bar graph provides information about unemployment rates of individuals aged between 15 and 24 and those of total figures in 5 different European countreis – Poland , Italy , Denmark, hungery and Germany – in 2005.
Overall , the figures for unemployment rate of people aged 15-24 years and general joblessness in Poland were the highest figures while that in Denmark were the lowest. Noteworthy is the fact that unemployment rates of individuals aged 15-24 were significantly higher than that of general joblessness in all 5 countries in 2005.
Focusing on higher figures first , Poland registered the highest figures in unemployment people aged between 15-24 and total joblessness with about 37 and 25 % , respectively. The second highest figures registered by Italy in term of unemployment individuals aged between15-24 with approximately 27 % and 15 % in total unemployment. The figures for joblessness rate of people aged between 15-24 in Germany , on the other hand , stood at about 23% while that for total unemployment was 20 % in 2005.
As for lowest figures , unemployment rates of individuals aged 15-24 and general joblessness in Denmark were the lowest figures with about 13% and 8% ,respectively while figure for unemployment rates of people aged 15-24 in hungery stood at just under 25% . addionally, the figure for total joblessness in Hungery was approximately 12% in 2005.
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview of the data. However, there are some issues with the flow of information and the use of cohesive devices.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of information.
- Consider using more complex sentence structures to provide a more detailed analysis of the data.
The essay uses a range of vocabulary to describe the data. However, there are some issues with word choice and repetition.
The essay uses a variety of sentence structures to describe the data. However, there are some grammatical errors and awkward constructions.
The essay provides a clear overview of the data and makes relevant comparisons. However, the essay could be improved by providing more detailed analysis and by avoiding repetition.
Suggestions
- Provide a more detailed analysis of the data, including trends, differences, and similarities between the countries.
- Avoid repetition of the word ‘figures’.